The Bank Robbers

Six Stuffians run through the hallways of an empty building. They carry large bags of unassigned money. Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill are right behind them. Pew! Pew! The blue one near the rear turns to fire at Nathaniel and misses. Nathaniel ducks behind a wall, returns fire and also misses. This gains some distance for the other fleeing Stuffians, but Nathaniel is fast. “I can’t lose him!” the blue one screams into his communicator.

“We’ll use the roof!” the peach-colored one calls back. “Lure him to the ground.” The blue Stuffian finds some stairs and jumps down them six at a time. Nathaniel is right behind him. The only reason Nathaniel doesn’t overtake him is the sporadic laserfire he throws backwards in Nathaniel’s direction. Pew! Pew!

Nathaniel squeezes behind a railing as the blue one stops to take better aim at him. He peeks out only to be shot at again. Pew! Pew! When he peeks out again, the blue one is gone, having gained a few more seconds of running.

Finally, the blue one stops at the end of the final stretch of stairs with his hand on the metal railing. He takes aim as Nathaniel stops at the top. This time, Nathaniel reaches for the railing and zaps it with his electricity power, sending the Gruezhling reeling. He drops his gun and falls to the floor, unconscious.

In the meantime, the other five have reached the roof. They each extend the antigravity batons they carry and prepare to ride them like broomsticks. Zzrrt! Haticat’s laser burns a tiny hole in one of the money bags. He storms onto the roof followed by Fred and Doctor Bill.

The other Stuffians flee, dropping the burned bag and riding their batons into the sky, as the two groups continue to exchange laserfire.

“They got away!” Haticat yells into his radio.

“I got one of them,” Nathaniel says.

“What do we do now?” Haticat asks.

“Meet me downstairs and we’ll find an apartment,” Nathaniel says. The explorers were on planet Bingo, a Human colony under construction. In expectation of new arrivals, the Humans had built one thousand homes for every person currently living on the planet. These homes were unlocked and ready for use.

Bingo was awash with money. To prevent theft, bills were “locked” with the identification of the owner and could only be transferred with the owner’s permission by recording the identification of the recipient. However, the big banks often held large amounts of unassigned money ready to be loaned out. This practice had encouraged a new strain of bank robbers and Nathaniel had offered his help to catch them.

In an apartment, the Stuffian named Blue Bear is tied to a chair. The money bag next to him squirms. “What is that?” Nathaniel asks.

“Just our pet Blacky. We like having it around,” Blue Bear says.

Nathaniel tentatively opens the sack and a black, ray-like creature flies across the room and attaches to the wall. Fred watches it intensely with one hand on his holstered weapon.

“Who do you work for?” Haticat asks.

“Ha! I’m not going to tell you that,” Blue Bear says.

Haticat unfolds a knife in front of him. “We’ve been offered an incredible sum of reward money to put an end to the theft. If you help us, we can share some with you. Your identity will be secret, and you’ll be able to leave the planet and retire in peace.”

Blue Bear looks indecisive for a moment. “Uh, how much are we talking about?”

“Lots. One million for your cooperation today and another million when our mission is complete,” Haticat says.

Blue Bear furrows his brow. “Twenty million.”

Fred promptly grabs Blue Bear’s head and holds it steady while Haticat grabs his ear and holds the knife against it. “Two million is a good offer. Even better, if you tell us who and where your boss is, we’ll let you keep your ears.”

Blue Bear relaxes a bit and says, “Okay, I…” Suddenly, he looks quite perplexed.

“Okay, what?” Haticat asks.

“I…don’t remember,” Blue Bear says.

“You don’t remember who you work for?” Haticat says.

“I…I want to tell you, but…I can’t remember!” Blue Bear says.

“Try to remember harder,” Fred says.

“I’m trying. I…must have forgotten,” Blue Bear says.

Nathaniel later phones in a report to the Bingo bank manager. “We captured one of the robbers, but he claims he can’t remember anything important,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, that makes sense. There was a pathogen discovered on the planet that erases memories. That’s why we first started to assign money by individual identity, in case we all forgot who owned what,” the manager says.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Nathaniel asks.

“When? Have we talked before?” the manager asks.

Nathaniel’s mouth drops open. Then he closes it again. “You hired us to catch the bank robbers.”

“Oh, I must have forgot,” the manager says.

“Do you remember how much you agreed we would get paid?” Nathaniel asks.

“Um, yes, I remember talking about that. It was one hundred million for the capture or killing of all robbers,” the manager answers.

“Right,” Nathaniel agrees. “Don’t forget that.”

Nathaniel hangs up and looks out the window. “Yikes, it’s really raining, thundering, and lightninging out there. Haticat better hurry back from the flying baton store.”

Minutes later, the phone rings. “Hello?”

“We have your friend. Bring us Blue Bear and the money if you want him back,” Peach Koala says.

Nathaniel pauses. “Where to?” he finally says.

“The end of the street in ten minutes,” Peach Koala answers.

“I want to talk to your boss,” Nathaniel says.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Peach Koala says.

She? Girls were supposed to be extinct at this time. “Either I meet your boss there in person or the deal is off,” Nathaniel says.

There is some whispering on the other end of the line. “Okay, she’ll be there. Make sure you bring the money,” Peach Koala responds.

“Deal.” Nathaniel hangs up the phone.

The robbers stand around looking at each other. “Why did you agree to call her in? It might be a trap,” Fluffy Bear comments.

“Of course it’s a trap, but we will win; we outnumber them,” Peach Koala responds.

“And we still have our flying batons and they don’t,” Black Gorilla adds.

“I just hope they don’t hurt Blue Bear,” Little Blue Koala says.

“If they do, we’ll hurt the cat,” Tiger Stripes says.

“You don’t want to do that,” Haticat says, sitting in the corner with his hands tied.

“No we don’t, but we want money so much more,” Peach Koala says. “Let’s go.”

The entire gang walks out into the hallway, bringing Haticat with them. When they are halfway to the stairwell, a section of floor suddenly gives way, sending Tiger Stripes and Haticat tumbling into the darkness. Nathaniel steps out in front of the group and Doctor Bill in the back. “Freeze!” Doctor Bill yells.

“I decided I wanted to meet here instead,” Nathaniel says. The sounds of struggle can be heard through the hole in the floor.

“How did you find us?” Fluffy Bear asks.

“I gave Haticat a transmitter, expecting you might capture him,” Nathaniel says.

“Smart,” Peach Koala says.

“I try to be. Where is your boss?” Nathaniel asks.

“On her way,” Peach Koala says.

“Captain, the enemy has been subdued,” Fred shouts from below.

“Okay, bring him up here,” Nathaniel orders.

Eventually, Fluffy Bear, Black Gorilla, Peach Koala, Little Blue Koala, and Tiger Stripes are disarmed and lined up against the wall while Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill hold them at gunpoint. “Where are you keeping the money?” Nathaniel asks.

“We give it to the boss. She hides it,” Peach Koala says.

“Where do you meet the boss?” Nathaniel asks.

“She finds us – and she’ll find you, too,” Peach Koala says.

“I hope so,” Nathaniel replies.

“You shouldn’t,” Peach Koala says.

A little bit later, Nathaniel hears a faint scratching noise and turns his head. Something rushes past him at superspeed and knocks him against the wall. He raises his gun, but it is gone. His entire hand is gone! The end of his wrist is shredded and bloody. Then the pain signal reaches his brain.

Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill shoot at the blur, but it is too fast to hit and the gang of robbers use the moment of distraction to rush them and take their guns. Then Blue Bear comes running around the corner with the other two bags of money and helps them guard Nathaniel’s crew. Blacky the ray flies past and attaches to the wall.

Nathaniel’s eyes well up, but he quickly overcomes his shock. In front of him stands a thin creature with big, dripping teeth and giant claws. It has extremely snarled hair, no shoes, and ragged clothes that barely cover its body. Bits of food appear to be stuck in its hair and around its mouth. It is Katie. “Nathaniel! I haven’t seen you for forty years!”

Forty? Nathaniel was in his mid-twenties now. His younger sister was older than he was. Time travel is weird. “You survived the war.”

“Yes, that was a wild time. Since the war ended, I’ve been exploring the galaxy and having fun,” Katie says.

“By robbing banks?” Nathaniel says, tightly holding his bloody stump.

“Fun is expensive!” Katie exclaims.

“How did you escape the Mama-And-Daddy?” Nathaniel asks.

“Easy! All I did was…um…something,” Katie says.

“What?” Nathaniel asks.

“I don’t remember right now,” Katie says. “Hey! You can help me rob banks! We can have fun together!”

“No, I’m a good guy,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, I was a good guy once. I was protecting a city from a…something. It was fun,” Katie says.

“It was from nomadic arsonist gangs,” Peach Koala says.

“Oh, I remember telling you that. We planned together how to fight them. Did we ever fight them?” Katie asks.

“Yes,” Peach Koala answers.

“I’ve been forgetting things lately,” Katie explains.

“I was told there is a pathogen on the planet that affects memory,” Nathaniel says.

“That must be it,” Katie says. Eventually, she gives up on convincing Nathaniel to join her, gathers the money bags, walks down the hall, and descends the stairs, followed one at a time by her crew.

“Hey, don’t forget your pet,” Haticat calls.

“That’s not ours,” Peach Koala says.

“I thought it was yours; it was in your apartment,” Blue Bear says.

“They must have forgotten,” Fred comments.

“It looks like we have a new pet now,” Haticat declares.

Nathaniel holds his arm and grits his teeth. “We need to get off this planet before we start forgetting things too. The pathogen is a much bigger problem than the bank robbers.” He gets up and starts walking down the hall. His crew follows him. Then he slows and finally stops. “Does anybody remember where we parked the ship?”

Haticat scratches his head. “I don’t remember.”

“I don’t remember, either,” Doctor Bill says.

Fred holds his head in his arms. “Oh no!”

The four explorers devote the rest of their time to finding a cure for the memory-loss pathogen, but keep forgetting what they have learned about it. They eventually figure out that they need not remember facts directly if they can remember remembering them or remember remembering remembering them. Nathaniel spends a lot of time thinking about what he knows, so even if he no longer remembers where he first learned information, he still knows it. So as not to forget past adventures, he and his crew tell each other stories every day. His entire reality becomes a perilously balanced house of cards. His past life starts to feel like a television show he read the reviews of, rather than something he lived through. Eventually, they discover that another scientist might have already found the cure, but forgotten where it was hidden. “Why would you hide it?”

“I don’t know,” the scientist says. “I must have had a good reason at the time.”

Because of the healing juice he once drank long ago, Nathaniel’s hand starts to grow back. It is half restored by the time they locate the vault the scientist most likely hid the cure in. Unfortunately, they need supplies and are out of money. No bank remembers hiring them. No bank remembers having a theft problem big enough to require hiring them. After briefly considering becoming bank robbers themselves, they decide instead to steal from bank robbers. They catch and beat up a gang of four humans who forget the way to their hideout after forgetting where they parked the getaway car. Blacky helps by flying into and covering the face of the leader so that Fred can disarm him. Blacky follows them everywhere.

Finally, Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill arrive at the bank with the cure. “It’s in a safety deposit box, number 256,” Nathaniel says.

“Where is everybody?” Haticat asks. There are no tellers. There are no customers.

“Maybe they forgot they had to work today,” Nathaniel quips, just as he rounds a corner and almost trips over a mutilated corpse.

“Yikes! What kind of animal did that?” Haticat shouts. Fred looks around warily, fingering his gun.

“Someone else is already here. They must be looking for the same thing,” Nathaniel says.

Already deep in the vault, Black Gorilla deactivates the explosive theft deterrence on the final door. Fluffy Bear and Little Blue Koala stand guard. “That’s it. The lines are dead.”

“Good,” Katie says. She steps forward, extends one bladed index finger, and proceeds to cut through the thick steel wall of the vault as if it were made of wet tissue paper. Soon, they are inside and looking for box 256.

“Found it,” Blue Bear announces.

Katie slides it open and retrieves a tube of red paste. “How does it work? Do you eat it?” Tiger Stripes asks.

“Just as importantly, how do we destroy it so that no one remembers our crimes?” Peach Koala asks.

“We’ll ask that scientist who hid it from us. He’ll tell us unless he wants me to eat his feet,” Katie says.

“But you already ate his feet,” Peach Koala reminds her.

“I did? I don’t remember that. Were they good?” Katie responds.

“I don’t know; you didn’t tell me,” Peach Koala answers.

“Well, let’s go,” Katie says. The entire gang turns to leave and finds Nathaniel and his crew blocking their path with guns already pointing.

“Drop the tube and slide it to me,” Nathaniel orders.

“This one?” Katie holds up the tube and points at it with her other hand.

“Yes,” Nathaniel says.

Katie frowns. “I don’t want to.”

“I won’t ask again,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, good. That’s a relief. Your voice can be a little annoying someti…” Katie says before she is cut off by a laser shot to the chest that knocks her backwards and leaves a smoldering hole.

She stumbles for a second and hisses. Before Nathaniel can shoot again, she has covered the four meters between them and knocked the gun from his hand. She repeatedly slices the air with her claws, but Nathaniel dodges with his superspeed. He bounces off the walls, ceiling, and floor, flipping and contorting his body in ways he didn’t know he could. Nathaniel has time crystal induced speed power and yet Katie is as fast as he is. They stop in the far corner of the room, breathing heavily. The entire fight has lasted four seconds. Katie bares her teeth and drools. “My tube!”

“No!” Nathaniel says. The siblings again launch themselves into the air as the Gruezhlings shoot at each other on the other side of the room.

Nathaniel struggles to keep away from her claws before leaping over her and pushing her from behind. She falls to the floor and the tube falls from her pocket. Nathaniel bends to pick it up, but Katie turns over and whips around to grab it, forcing Nathaniel to leap backwards. She pockets the tube and jumps towards him again.

This time, she chases Nathaniel into a corner. He fakes left before bouncing off the right wall and ending up behind her again. She reaches her right claw behind her and Nathaniel slaps a cuff on it. The unbound side of the cuff spins around her wrist as she twists to face him. He spins completely around and uses his other arm to guide her second claw into the cuff, snapping it shut. Katie screams and continues to chase Nathaniel around the room.

Meanwhile, Blue Bear is shot by Fred and rolls on the floor in pain. Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill then dive behind a row of deposit boxes, completely covered by laserfire. Fluffy Bear inches along the wall, hoping to get an angle he can shoot from.

Nathaniel reaches into his coat pocket for his remote control and activates the handcuff magnets. Katie is whisked off her feet as the cuffs attach themselves to the ceiling. He pulls the tube out of her pocket and is kicked in the face, causing an instant nosebleed. Holding his nose in one hand and the tube in the other, he runs from the room. Katie screams.

The distraction allows Haticat to stand up and return fire, covering their escape. Fluffy Bear is shot and the other bank robbers cower behind obstacles.

Nathaniel dissolves the contents of the tube into the drinking water of the hundred cities. It is a mutant form of the pathogen, also contagious, that kills the first. The cure prevents memory loss in the future, but does not restore lost memories. Nathaniel no longer directly remembers anything before he landed on the planet, relying purely on repeated tellings of tellings of tellings of his past life. He looks for Katie, but cannot find her. However, he does eventually find his spaceship. “It was behind the hill this whole time!” he exclaims.

“Good! Let’s get off this planet,” Haticat says.

“Time to explore and make new memories,” Fred says.

“Agreed,” Nathaniel says, and they all climb in and fly away.

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