Hurt Me, Hurt You

It has been years since Katie invented sports and sparked the three-way war raging across the galaxy. Allison has been losing badly and her forces are confined to just four pockets along the edge of the galaxy. Katie is losing too, but just barely. Katie has two opposite quadrants of the galaxy, joined in the middle by the central galactic bulge. Nathaniel has the other two quadrants. He invades and takes the center, dividing Katie’s forces and detonating all his superbombs along the perimeter to keep her from easily retaking it. Then, all of Nathaniel’s bomb factories explode at once. Allison had long been collecting information on their locations and had waited until she had found them all before destroying them. With her new advantage in firepower, Allison starts to make a comeback. Soon, Allison has twenty percent of the galaxy, Katie has thirty percent, and Nathaniel has fifty percent. The war drags on.

The friends of Nathaniel no longer fear adults. Their network of lookouts, secret hiding spots, and emergency rescue systems are top notch. Adults are no more of a nuisance for them than large predatory animals. Adults are the source of all new life and are therefore important parts of the ecosystem. Direct warfare against them is impossible. They simply learn to live with them. Nathaniel himself hasn’t seen an adult in years. He is so busy managing the war that he spends most of his time in his secret underground office anyways.

Nathaniel sits at his desk and the phone rings. “Hello, Nathaniel, how is my first Arbisha?” It is Daddy.

“How did you get this number?” Nathaniel asks.

“It’s rude not to answer Daddy’s question, Nathaniel,” Mama says.

“I’m okay,” Nathaniel finally says.

“That’s good,” Daddy says. “We would like to take over now, please.”

“What? Take over what?” Nathaniel asks.

“Your destiny,” Mama replies. Suddenly, the videophone screen rapidly flashes a very specific sequence of colors while a very specific sequence of tones plays through the speaker, and Nathaniel’s mind goes completely blank.

It is not long before the Mama-And-Daddy has captured all three of its children and revealed its plan. “You were good to take control of the galaxy for us. Now the three of you will work together and help us rule the adults too,” Mama states.

Nathaniel relays all of this back to Haticat, who can scarcely believe it. “What are you going to do?”

“Escape,” Nathaniel answers.

To ensure they work together, the siblings’ nervous systems are wirelessly connected to feel the pain of the others. Nathaniel feels Allison’s pain, Allison feels Katie’s pain, and Katie feels Nathaniel’s pain. It does not go smoothly. They can agree on nothing. Even when two agree, the third will not. Nathaniel bullies Katie into submission, but then Allison changes her mind. “I’m not going there if Katie will be there.” Nathaniel loses his temper and scratches Allison, only to recoil from the pain he just caused himself while Allison laughs and mocks him. Enraged, he smartly tackles Katie this time, pounding her with his fists. Allison gasps and retaliates by hitting herself in the face with a trash can lid. Blood gushes from her snout.

“Stop fighting!” Daddy yells, sending a lightning bolt at all three of them.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything!” Katie complains. Daddy shoots her with another lightning bolt, having no effect on her, but making Allison scream.

It goes on like this for days. The Mama-And-Daddy must oversee their every interaction and can never sleep. The children are determined to hurt each other. They often need medical intervention. Eventually, they are kept in separate rooms and communicate by videophones. Once alone, Nathaniel plans distractions for both Mama and Daddy so he can sneak into the kitchen and retrieve the hot sauce. Once back in his room and on the phone, he threatens Katie. “Hurt Allison for me or else I’ll put hot sauce in my eyes!”

“I don’t want to!” she says.

“Do it!” Nathaniel demands.

“Hurting Allison is your problem!” Katie says.

“Yes it is – and this is how I’ll solve it!” Nathaniel says, opening the sauce and holding it over his head. Suddenly, he convulses. Overhearing his plans, Allison has inserted her tail into an electric outlet. He drops the sauce all over his face and accidentally inhales some. Katie goes wild. She claws at her own face until her skin hangs off in ribbons while running into the walls as fast as she can and bouncing off, stopping only after breaking an ankle. In response, Allison chews off one of her own hands. Nathaniel yells. “Ow! My hand! Hurt her more! Hurt her more!” He feels pain from Allison’s hand even after it has been detached. Temporarily blinded by the hot sauce, he feels his way to the heating unit and fumbles with the valves to release the steam. The nearby polyp-heads activate just in time for the Mama-And-Daddy to prevent the children from killing themselves. They are befuddled that linking their feelings did not make them more sympathetic to each other.

Nathaniel makes a full recovery in only one day. The Mama-And-Daddy is a medical expert on their own creation. Once left alone to sleep, Nathaniel slips away to the airlock with the couch unit, grabbing a spacesuit on the way. He tears open the back of the antigravity couch to get to the wires. Inside are what look like ramen noodles and smell like olive oil. Looking closer, he sees two very tiny polyp heads at each junction. The Mama-And-Daddy must do internal troubleshooting mostly by sight. Nathaniel disables the radio receiver allowing it to be controlled from the main ship and then starts pulling control wires. Minutes later, he is flying the couch unit into space.

He knows it will be no more than hours before he is discovered missing, but he also knows his personal guards have been following him and waiting for his escape. Soon, he is picked up by a medium-sized destroyer ship and greeted by Haticat.

“Rally the fleet! Destroy the Mama-And-Daddy!” Nathaniel says.

“What about your sisters?” Haticat asks.

“If they escape, we’ll deal with them later. If they die, we win the war,” Nathaniel says.

Thousands of boy ships fire lasers, plasma beams, and bullets at the Mama-And-Daddy, but adults are strong. It blows up about thirteen boy ships before deciding to retreat and is chased across the sky. Eventually, it is chased right out of the galaxy. Along with Allison and Katie, it is not seen again.

With no one to lead them, the friends of Allison and Katie are easily subdued and Nathaniel conquers the entire galaxy. The war is finally over.

SUPPORT