Fire Ants from Space

The planet Axhashtkat gleams like a jewel in the blackness of space. In the cold, shallow waters, nine-legged crab stars stand in the sand, absorbing food through their feet by osmosis. On the plains, radio-dish-head Ceratopids roam, pinging each other at long distances. The forests are nice, with broad, yellow leaves providing much shade. In scattered villages throughout the forest are blobby beings resembling fried eggs. Having great respect for their environment, they put all their roads underground, so that the forests will not be subdivided. According to their code of ethics, Hashites, as the egg-blobs are called, only eat creatures that themselves eat other creatures, not innocent herbivores. The forests of Axhashtkat are sought out by nature lovers from around the galaxy and across history.

One day, there is a meteor shower. Several meteorites make it to the ground. One meteorite cracks open, revealing a stack of papery films. The top one peels off in the light breeze and lands a meter away. Its outline resembles an ant the size of a rat. As the next film and the next one peel off, the first gradually puffs up with air. Soon, there are hundreds of ants. One of them manages to start a fire with its mouthparts somehow. With its mouthparts aflame, it proceeds to light the rear ends of the other ants. The other ants pass the fire around, back to front and front to back, until every ant carries a flame on each end. Then they start to light the forest on fire.

“Look at that forest fire; it’s huge,” Haticat says as the ship flies by, looking up at the projection on the domed ceiling.

“Wow,” Captain Nathaniel says. “Let’s see if we can help.”

First, they land just beyond the wall of expanding flame and begin repurposing their antigravity-powered uranium mining beams to move water into and out of the ship. Several Hashite blobs arrive and inquire what they are doing. Nathaniel steps outside to talk to them. “I’m going to put out the fire.”

“What about the fire ants?” the Hashites ask.

“Fire ants?” Nathaniel asks.

“The fires are caused by an invading army of ants. They keep restarting the fires after we put them out,” one blob explains.

“Where did they invade from?” Nathaniel asks.

“We don’t know, but they showed up right after a big meteor shower,” he replies.

“Interesting,” Nathaniel says.

Haticat suddenly sticks his head outside the door. “We have visitors. Six ships just entered the timestream.”

“Time travelers?” Nathaniel asks.

“Yes,” Haticat answers.

“Well, that can’t be a coincidence,” Nathaniel says. He looks at the ships through the telescope. They are shaped like spoked wheels. “Time cops.”

Mere minutes later, one of the ships lands next to Nathaniel’s and out climb ten Humanoids of mixed races in time cop uniforms. Among them are Ninos, Humans, Hammer-Faces, ape-like Meekons, and bird-like Zooks. “Good day, can I ask your business on this planet?”

“Just stopping to check the scenery,” Nathaniel answers.

“Good, right at the last minute before it all burns down. Some people might be tempted to try to stop it – to change history. Have you encountered anyone with firefighting equipment?” the front time cop says.

“Um, no,” Nathaniel says.

“Mind if we take a look inside your craft?” the time cop asks.

“Actually, there’s a lot of delicate scientific instruments in there…” Nathaniel says.

The time cop stares at him for a few seconds, then turns and walks back to his ship. “Good day.”

“Are you going to help us?” one of the Hashite blobs finally asks.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Nathaniel responds.

The time cops continue to monitor the planet as the fire gets bigger and bigger. Other time travelers blink into and out of existence, not wanting any scrutiny from the BTJ. “It’s not fair. Stopping us from helping those in distress is evil,” Haticat opines.

“I know,” Nathaniel says.

“So what are we going to do about it?” Haticat asks.

“I’m not sure yet,” Nathaniel says.

“We can kill the time cops first,” Fred suggests.

“Too many. We can’t fight the whole bureau,” Nathaniel says.

“We could go back in time and redirect the meteorites,” Haticat suggests.

“They’ll be watching for that, too,” Nathaniel says.

“Perhaps we can rescue a number of people too small to have been recorded in the history books. The time cops wouldn’t know for sure that we weren’t always supposed to do it,” Doctor Bill says. “We could still make a small difference.”

“Maybe,” Nathaniel says.

Just then, there is a knock at the door. Weapons in hand, they check who it is. It is Mister Dinosaur! “I had to make sure it was you before I came out of hiding,” he says.

“Are you here to stop the fire?” Nathaniel asks.

“Not exactly, I’m moving the forest – teleporting it into the future under cover of the fire. It looks like the trees are burning up, but they’re actually disappearing,” Mister Dinosaur explains.

“But we’ve seen the ash from the leaves. We’ve seen the wood melting and sagging,” Nathaniel says.

“That’s because the tree atoms have been replaced by trash – mostly plastic. I started a recycling program on this planet one thousand years ago. Why do you think it’s so clean? Because the Hashites dump their trash into teleporters that send it to this time period. Everything is run through my satellite in orbit about thirteen years from now,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“So, you send the teleporter beams through time? How do you regulate the Minkowski-Doppler distortion?” Nathaniel asks.

“I use directional shrink-ray technology on the time crystals themselves,” Mister Dinosaur answers.

“Oh, that makes sense,” Nathaniel comments.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have it all under control yet. I have a problem you could help with,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“What’s that?” Nathaniel asks.

“Some of the fire ants were teleported into the future along with the forest. They are very difficult to kill, regenerating rapidly and immune to fire,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“And you want me to figure out how to exterminate them?” Nathaniel says.

“Yes,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“With my crew’s help, I’ll get you a solution faster than you can count the acorns in your tree,” Nathaniel says.

“Well, no rush, I won’t need the answer for thirteen years,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“Oh, of course,” Nathaniel says. After some additional socializing over a shared snack of smores, Mister Dinosaur goes on his way. Then, Nathaniel and his crew get to work.

The fire ants are terraformers. They burn native ecosystems to rid themselves of dangerous fauna and to predigest their food for them. Then they eat the partially combusted material and complete the oxidation process inside their bodies. When there is no more usable biomass, they move on the next planet. Doctor Bill quickly realizes that their weakness is sugar. Sugar sticks to their skin and clogs the millions of pores they breathe and fuel their twin flames through. Nathaniel builds a prototype syrup gun and tests it on a few ants. It stops them in their tracks immediately. Next, they build several mines made to look like ants. When a real ant comes along and attempts to share its fire by lighting either end, the mine explodes with syrup. “Now, all we need is ten thousand more mines,” Haticat comments.

“And for that, all we need is more time,” Nathaniel says. He takes the ship back one hundred years and convinces the Hashites to construct a mine factory. Then he picks up the finished product fifty years ago and brings the mines thirteen years into the future when he meets up with Mister Dinosaur. They stand between their two ships.

“Inside my ship are ten thousand mines only detonated by fire,” Nathaniel says.

“Good, we need them. I’ll get some Hashites to help us distribute them,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“Or you could freeze and put your hands up instead.” One time cop steps from behind Mister Dinosaur’s ship, carrying a cramp gun. He is followed by five more, holding laser rifles.

Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, Doctor Bill, and Mister Dinosaur raise their arms. “Hey, we didn’t change the history books. They don’t specify whether the forest actually burned or was teleported away. I checked,” Mister Dinosaur protests.

“True, dematerializing the forest is not a time crime,” the front time cop says.

“So why are you here?” Mister Dinosaur asks.

“Rematerializing the forest thirteen years later is a time crime,” the time cop says.

“Oh,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“You boys are going to T-Omega,” the time cop says.

“No, you can’t arrest us; we’re already there,” Nathaniel says.

“Hmm?” the time cop mutters.

“Check your records. We’ve already been arrested and convicted for future crimes. If you bring us in now, we won’t have committed all the crimes we’re supposed to and you’ll be changing history,” Nathaniel says.

The time cop seems confused and quickly logs into the BTJ system through his pocket computer. “Here it is: Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill currently serving life sentences on T-Omega.”

“I told you,” Nathaniel says.

“Well, sorry to have bothered you. You four are free to go for now; we’ll catch you later. However, Mister Dinosaur is scheduled to be arrested today, according to history,” the time cop says.

Nathaniel catches Mister Dinosaur’s eye and says, “spin,” before running to his ship.

“What?” Mister Dinosaur says.

Once Nathaniel and his crew are inside their ship, they power up the time machine. “Are we going to rescue him?” Haticat asks.

“Yep,” Nathaniel answers.

They travel back to when Mister Dinosaur first landed on the planet, meeting up with him. “I have important news. You’re going to be arrested by the time cops and sent to T-Omega, but I know how to escape,” Nathaniel says.

“I’m listening,” Mister Dinosaur says.

Nathaniel explains about the complex spin of the planet and how the world-line torsion keeps time machines from materializing. “If you can keep track of the sun and rotate your body in opposition to it, I can pick you up.”

“Okay,” Mister Dinosaur says.

“You’ll see me materialize soon. Wait a little bit before approaching, and then tell me you had to make sure it was me,” Nathaniel says.

“Got it,” Mister Dinosaur says.

Nathaniel drops off the mines in the future, defeats the fire ants, travels to T-Omega to pick up Mister Dinosaur, and then returns him to his ship. Then they go their separate ways.

SUPPORT