Compulsion

The iceberg plows through the ocean, propelled by the two large sails sticking from the top. It is a ship. The Nino colonists of Tikan have conquered the planet by mastering its most abundant resource – ice. Tikan was a water world with no dry land. The colonists lived in ships, submarines, and citadels made mostly of ice.

The officers on the upper deck play a game in the shadow of the sails. They take turns running across the deck around obstacles, trying not to slip on the ice. Best time wins. Finally, one slips and slides across the deck into the sunlight where he stays down, laughing, for fifteen seconds.

“Get back here!” another calls.

“I’m coming,” he says, but he slips again and again. Still laughing, he steps back into the shade where the others are staring at him, horrified. “What is it?”

“You…uh…you,” one says.

“Freckles,” another finishes.

“What?” the clumsy officer responds.

Freckles, the most embarrassing of all diseases, are caused by contaminated sunlight. Certain types of space dust alter sunlight passing through it such that it can give most creatures freckles. It is not long before the daggertails, mantis whales, and even the trees of Tikan have freckles. Then the dust cloud passes, but the danger does not. Freckles are also contagious and can be spread by touch. New hygiene laws are passed, requiring frequent handwashing and showers.

Nathaniel’s pool-ship lands in a field of ice in the northern hemisphere. A town sits in the distance. “Why not stay on Tikan? Don’t you want to ride an ice sub?” Nathaniel asks.

“Maybe, but I’d rather explore a forest. Hardly anything grows here,” Haticat complains.

“Fine, we’ll visit a forest on our next adventure,” Nathaniel says. “After we learn to live like the Tikanese.”

Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill step outside onto the crunchy snow and walk to town. A light breeze pushes frigid air right through their coats. They have not walked far when four fan-propelled hot-air balloons intercept them. “Halt! All visitors are subject to quarantine!”

“Quarantine? What’s going on?” Nathaniel asks.

“You’ll be held and monitored for symptoms,” the Ninos tell him. A heated tent is built around them and they receive regular visits from doctors in space suits. They are held for only two days, but in the meantime Nathaniel gets bored and doodles on the tent walls. Soon the fabric is covered in drawings of animals, molecules, equations, and Feynman diagrams. “We can’t be too careful; there are many diseases going around,” the town chief rep tells them when they are let go.

“Understandable. We came here hoping to join an ice sub crew and learn the ways of Tikan,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, well there are no ice subs that run out of our port – only surface ships. You’ll want to visit the next town, but you’ll need to be quarantined again,” the rep says.

“Again?” Nathaniel comments.

“There are many diseases of many kinds on this planet,” the rep answers.

“Never mind. What do you do for fun in your town?” Nathaniel asks.

“Ice skating mostly, but you’ll need your own ice skates since we no longer allow rentals,” the rep answers.

Haticat turns to Nathaniel. “We have some back in the ship.”

“If you return to your ship, we’ll have to quarantine you again,” the rep says.

“But there’s no germs on our ship,” Haticat says.

“There’s nothing alive there to keep any pathogens viable,” Doctor Bill says.

“We have to be careful. It’s the law,” the rep says.

The four explorers find a hotel in town to stay at. They are only allowed in and out of their hotel at certain times so that as few people as possible share the halls. Watching the news, they hear rumors of freckles, sneezing viruses, coughing viruses, sleeping viruses, stiff neck viruses, and a stupidity virus. Although none of the symptoms are severe, people wash their hands constantly. “Is there an adultism virus? Even the boys here act like adults,” Haticat complains.

Eventually, the explorers are able to get outside to the ice patch and spend an hour sliding around on their shoes. Actually, they spend only about twenty minutes on the ice because every fifteen minutes they are ordered to stop and shower. Including the time it takes to undress, lather, dry, and dress again, each shower takes ten minutes. “I can’t keep doing this,” Nathaniel complains.

“Me neither. I never fully dry out,” Haticat adds.

“My belly is frozen in the middle,” Fred complains.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” Nathaniel says.

When they arrive back at the hotel, the staff informs them they can’t go inside until they finish changing all the sheets. “Why? Has someone else used them when we were gone?” Nathaniel asks incredulously.

“Not likely, but we can’t take that chance,” the staff leader says.

“Well now you’re just being stupid,” Nathaniel declares.

“Really?” The staff leader’s eyes go wide. “We’ll all have to be quarantined and checked for symptoms of stupidity virus.”

“Oh no, not again!” Nathaniel tries to leave, but is blocked by security.

“Don’t let him out! He’ll spread stupidity all over town!” the staff leader shouts.

Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill spend another two days in quarantine, this time with two hotel security guards and half the cleaning staff. No one coughs. No one sneezes. No one is particularly stupid, except they all seem to be obsessed with hygiene rituals. One staff member brushes his teeth thirty-six times in one day. The others change and wash and dry their clothes three times a day, folding and refolding them afterwards until perfect. “I think I figured out what’s going on,” Nathaniel states.

“What’s that?” Doctor Bill asks.

“There is no biological virus here. What we are seeing is a social contagion of obsessive-compulsive disorder,” Nathaniel says.

“How do you know the OCD isn’t caused by a virus too?” Doctor Bill asks.

“Because we don’t have it. We would have caught it by now if it were biological. In contrast, social contagions are contracted when one is surrounded by those displaying symptoms. We have each other, which gives us a certain degree of immunity. It also helps to be aware of it,” Nathaniel says.

“I think you’re right,” Doctor Bill agrees.

Once let out, they visit the library. They are each issued a pair of gloves to touch the books with. Within minutes, Nathaniel confirms that none of the diseases people worry about so much are new to the planet except for freckles, which has already been contained and eradicated. “People are worrying about things they never worried about before,” Haticat says.

“It is hard to not worry when everyone around you worries so much,” Doctor Bill says.

“I’m worried I won’t be able to get these gloves off,” Fred says.

“What do we do?” Haticat asks.

“About the gloves?” Nathaniel asks.

“No, about Tikan,” Haticat clarifies.

“To reverse the trend, we need to start another social contagion – one of irresponsibility. We need to isolate OCD people among those less affected until they turn. Then we just keep repeating the process. Unfortunately, to keep them together long enough requires something like a quarantine, which itself promotes the obsession,” Nathaniel says.

“There’s also the law to take into account. Too much irresponsibility will be shut down,” Doctor Bill says.

“Right, and the fact the law even exists also helps to fuel the obsession,” Nathaniel adds.

“What if new laws were passed prohibiting the enforcement of certain hygiene measures?” Haticat proposes.

“Maybe,” Nathaniel says.

“These gloves should be illegal,” Fred says. He has completely rotated the glove on one hand without removing it. His furry, fingerless hands fumble with them.

Ding! Just then, an announcement is made through the intercom system. “Shift B is over. All patrons must immediately leave the library through the rear exist so that shift C can begin. Remember, your safety is our priority.”

“I wasn’t done reading,” Doctor Bill says.

“Me neither,” Haticat says.

“I hadn’t started,” Fred says.

Back at the hotel, Nathaniel eats a plate of mixed seaweed, the only food on Tikan. It is actually pretty tasty and quite filling once he rinses some of the salt off. “What we need to do is create a game that rewards collecting the most viruses,” Nathaniel says.

“That does not sound healthy,” Doctor Bill comments.

“Won’t that make everyone sick? And won’t they spread those diseases to us?” Haticat asks.

“No. There is no reward for second place. That means that while everyone is trying to catch viruses, they will try not to give any away, lest someone else win. Those already sick will stay away from others, but those not sick will refuse all these stupid precautions imposed on us,” Nathaniel explains.

“Genius!” Fred remarks.

“We’ll name the game Top Sick,” Nathaniel declares.

“Sounds like fun,” Doctor Bill says. “I suggest we make the size of the reward contingent on the size of the lead of first place over second place. We should also give a tiny reward for second so long as it is far above third. That way, those with no hope of reaching first place will not give up. I’ll run some game theory models and continue to refine the details.” He uses his radio to contact the pool-ship and make use of its computing power.

“I forgot you were originally a fun scientist,” Haticat says.

Soon, they decide that a new game be started whenever a minimum of six people agree to join a competition. Each player violates hygiene rules yet keeps away from others in the game. Each player puts money into a pool to be paid out to the winners. The game spreads like a contagion. The legal restrictions lift under political pressure from players, and Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill finally do two tours on an ice sub, followed by three on an ice ship.

Eventually, some players get the idea to forge their diagnosis documents to make it look like they have more diseases than they have. Other players get the idea to bribe officials to increase restrictions on others while giving themselves a pass, but this merely spawns an increase in anti-bribery police action. New games are invented, and people gradually lose interest in Top Sick. They look back on that time as one dominated by silliness – the silliness of avoiding disease at any cost and the silliness of trying to collect multiple diseases at once. Only one person dies.

The explorers prepare to leave the planet, but first they make a stop in an uninhabited area to watch an erupting water volcano. It is made of ice. “This is so scenic I almost don’t mind there being no forest,” Haticat says.

“It is interesting,” Nathaniel agrees.

“Agreed,” Doctor Bill says.

“It’s cold out here,” Fred says.

“Yes, it is cold,” Nathaniel says. “Let’s go find that forest.” Then they all step into the space ship and leave.

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