Both

Girl play and boy play are incompatible. Stuffians exposed to the wrong kind of play will experience fun poisoning. Boys and girls hate each other and adults are annoyed by the sounds of all play, yet they all have the same needs for commerce and resources, so girls, boys, and adults often live in the same regions of the same planets, though they often live in different sections of the cities or even in different cities. They share infrastructure but have different media. Thus it happens that the girls are able to plan a surprise attack on the boys without them knowing.

Nathaniel is building snow forts and tossing snowballs with his Blentite friends on planet Beerbele when he sees the mushroom cloud over the city. By the time he gets there, the girls have closed off the streets and closed the spaceport. The entire continent is swarming with girls. The boys fall back to the local access column for the planetary gridway. Nine miles above the ground is a grid of high-speed conveyer belts for getting around the planet in a hurry. Planes and trains are unheard of on Beerbele. Boats are also rare, due to the extreme tides on the planet. Elevators inside the access columns are planted in every major city and every 200 kilometers. Snowmobiles are the vehicles of choice for most local travel, though cars do exist in tropical zones.

The boys make it to the next continent, but have to disembark when told the conveyer west of them has frozen. “A team of girls is trapped in one of the columns and they’re shooting anyone that goes past,” the Blentite in charge says.

Soon enough, Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill sign up to help with the war effort. Three days later, the girls are defeated and the planet’s infrastructure secured. Many girls are killed and the rest of them trapped in small, fenced off areas. Just as the boys are celebrating their victory, Dromaeosaur refugees from the planet Paffy bring bad news. Paffy has been completely taken over by girls, who are now using it as a base to launch attacks from. “The girls have a new leader they call Miss Bossy,” the refugee reports.

“What does she look like?” Nathaniel asks.

“We don’t know yet. We tried watching girl shows to see if she ever spoke on them, but we could only stand it for a few minutes,” the refugee responds.

Helping wherever they can, Nathaniel and Fred are sent to Geffus 4 while Haticat and Doctor Bill are sent to Del, both Dromaeosaur-dominated planets. The war takes place over 81 star systems, including planets dominated by Dromaeosaurs, Mymmonians (mustached hominids with wide hips and large feet), Longhair Monkeys, and Blentites (six-legged sheep-like creatures with cat-like faces and dual, long, pointy tails). Right in the middle is planet Soda, a Candy Wizard colony with blue plants and yellow skies.

On Geffus 4, the girls have taken control of the aquafers supplying the mining operation. Nathaniel and Fred land with a team of boys on the airless surface and dig a new tunnel directly into the caverns, taking the girls by surprise from behind.

Under the red skies of Del, Haticat and Doctor Bill spend most of their time trying not to fall into the lava cracks while the girls seem to forget they are having a war and experiment with different ways of covering their burns and other injuries in makeup. “Prettiness is the highest virtue,” one says.

Nathaniel and Fred are then sent to Cootoona-Cowlacca 31. Cootoona-Cowlacca 31 is a cluster of asteroids in a system full of small worlds in orbit around other worlds in orbit around other worlds. The girls have taken over every station. The trapped boys are desperately low on supplies. They are forced to construct battle robots out of cardboard, Styrofoam, and anything else lying around. They get ever more creative with what they have. They beg the adults for war materials, who unwittingly supply them, apparently believing them to be constructing toys they are using to play nicely with the girls. Nathaniel and Fred rescue them along with the Blentite fleet, which then meets up with new ships fresh out of the factories. They are shaped like bananas with laser cannons on each end.

Haticat and Doctor Bill are sent to soot-black planet Desod 8. 105 of Desod 8’s craters are home to cities, some of them conquered by girls, some conquered by boys, and others still contested. When Haticat and Doctor Bill arrive with a unified fleet of Longhair Monkeys, Dromaeosaurs, and Mymmonians, they are able to quickly drive all girl aircraft from the thick atmosphere. The clouds there are spherical and opaque green. The boys zip around and under the clouds to outwit the girls, who have little experience flying. With control of the skies, it is then easy to isolate the girl-controlled cities by shooting at all traffic going in or out of them. Then the cities are invaded and conquered one by one.

With Desod 8, Cootoona-Cowlacca 31, Del, and Geffus 4 solidly under boy control, planet Soda is surrounded. The friends are reunited. The boys attack, but the girls are entrenched and put up a stronger fight than expected. The girl fleet here consists largely of spherical ships with a single laser cannon each. They are fast, agile, heavily armored, and very pretty. Somehow, somewhere, some girl was able to design a great warship by thinking of war as pretty. “Are girls secretly really smart?” Haticat mutters.

“Impossible! They’d have to be smart and stupid at the same time,” Doctor Bill says.

“The colors hurt my eyes,” Nathaniel complains.

“Mine too,” Fred says.

The boys finally invade and fight on land. The Longhair Monkey boys drive tanks shaped like rolling pins, crushing everything they encounter. The Dromaeosaur girls are fast and vicious. They wear antigravity skirts that resemble flying saucers, allowing them to fly. “Do they know we can see their underwear?” Fred asks.

“I think they want us to,” Haticat says.

Eventually, the boys win planet Soda, but with heavy losses. Ten light years away is planet Paffy, planet of green skies, salty seas, and artistically-designed coastlines, home to the girl capitol and Miss Bossy. The boys are worried they might not have enough ships to win but are also worried that if they wait too long, the girls will have even more ships. The boy alliance is also showing signs of fracturing under internal competition. They must hurry.

The invasion is on! The boys poison the oceans, making them grey, stinky, and ugly, hoping to drive the girls inland. They are surprised when the oceans start restoring themselves. A red wave passes from the capitol through the spiral sea, turning the water red. A few boy ships get closer to investigate.

At the same time, the ground force, including Nathaniel and friends, encounter a wall of thick vegetation that springs up out of nowhere. The flowers and leaves are very large. Blueberries here are the size of apples. The soldiers in front begin hacking with machetes, but suddenly stop and start screaming. The skin of their arms begins to turn into flowers and falls away. Their muscles turn to heart-shaped balloons that rise into the air. One boy gets away before collapsing on the ground in front of Nathaniel and turning into a bunch of balloons and glitter. His bones become jewelry. “Colossal sponge apocalypse!” Nathaniel curses. The grass around the body becomes shiny and the effect spreads. “Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!” He yells into the radio.

All boys return to orbit, but many of them have been contaminated, some of them unknowingly. Quarantines are enforced, but the nanobot contagion spreads through metal and plastic. Affected ships change the color and design of their hulls. Ultimately, the boys lose one quarter of their fleet and fall back to planet Soda.

The next day, the girl fleet meets them at planet Soda, keeping back two million miles. Then comes the message. “Surrender and be made pretty or be made pretty and die!” Nathaniel has heard that voice before.

While the boy captains debate which of them can speak for the whole group, Nathaniel volunteers. He transmits video as well as audio. “You will never land on, or drink, Soda ever again!”

The screen lights up. Miss Bossy shows herself. A pink Dromaeosaur stands in front of a microphone. It is Allison. “I still haven’t had my double-revenge on you. I guess now it’s triple-revenge!”

“I still haven’t had my revenge on you for drinking all the soda the last time we were here!” Nathaniel says.

“Do that and it will have to be quadruple revenge!” Allison says.

“Then I’ll need quintuple revenge!” Nathaniel says.

“Then I’ll need sextuple revenge!” Allison says.

“Then I’ll need septuple revenge!” Nathaniel says.

“Then I’ll need octuple revenge!” Allison says.

“How did you learn big words like that?” Nathaniel asks.

“I’m smarter than the last time we met. The Mama-And-Daddy paid a doctor to double my brains so I could better find you for them, but once they let me go, I used my new intelligence to elude them and start a country instead.” Allison says.

“A country?” Nathaniel says.

“The Dandy Candy Queendom,” Allison says.

“Yuck,” Haticat comments.

“That’s a stupid name,” Nathaniel says.

“For calling my country stupid, I’ll take nonuple revenge!!!” Allison screams before ending transmission. The girl fleet advances. The boys take out two ships for every one they lose, but cannot stop every missile from getting through. Soda is contaminated with the prettification contagion. With Soda lost, the boy fleet falls back to Desod 8. More reinforcements of banana ships meet them there.

At this time, Nathaniel and Doctor Bill are sent back to Beerbele to assist in developing a way to neutralize girl fun. They work hard at it, experimenting on captive girls. Meanwhile the boy forces fall back to Del and then to Didi 5, a cold, dry planet colonized by Mymmonians and protected by missiles capable of shooting down other missiles. Reinforcements pour in from all 81 star systems. This is where the final showdown will take place.

“Eureka!” At last, one of the scientists on the team makes a discovery. There is a way to envelop girl games in boy metanarratives - and vice versa. “We tried mixing house and monster fighting. What we got was like the game house, but with the husband’s day job one of fighting monsters. We also found that the prisoners were happy to play house and have tea parties inside snow forts,” the Blentite scientist reports.

Nathaniel decides the new hybrid game needs a name. “Let’s call it both, because it is both a girl game and a boy game.”

“I agree,” the scientist replies.

The game is advertised on both girl and boy tv networks. Eventually, Allison loses her power base when girls everywhere start to join with the boys in forming a new society. Then her officers are exposed to both and begin playing with boys remotely. The two fleets surrounding Didi 5 power down their weapons. Allison demands to speak to Nathaniel. That day, a new country is formed when the Both treaty is signed. The country is also called Both and its flag is purple, a mixture of red and blue to represent a mix of girl and boy. The game starts to spread around the galaxy, and with it, peace. The adults are still as clueless as ever.

Allison agrees to help Nathaniel explore a new planet so long as it is to scope out a spot for a tea party. Allison, Matilda, and Sarah follow in their spaceship as Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill take their spaceship somewhere they have never been before. They discover an Earth-like planet apparently uninhabited by intelligent life. They see gerbils, turtles, and aqua monsters (a race of blobs previously seen on planet Trachoos while travelling in The Mama-And-Daddy). There are also Earth plants, such as raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, apricots, lilacs, roses, honeysuckle, orange trees, apple trees, fennel, parsley, and cilantro. The plants all seem to be blooming, bearing fruit, and losing leaves at the same time. The seasons are funny here.

While setting up their tea party picnic, a large animal approaches them. It looks like a horned lizard. “What are you doing on my planet?”

“Tea party,” Allison answers.

“Who are you?” Nathaniel asks.

“I am Muk, planet guardian of planet Muk, appointed by Y itself. I do not allow colonies here,” Muk says.

“We’re not colonizers; we’re explorers,” Nathaniel says.

“And partiers,” Allison adds.

“We’re both explorers and partiers,” Matilda adds.

“Two things at once? That’s interesting. I think I’ll watch you until you leave,” Muk comments. The kids have a long talk with the creature and learn about his world. The sounds of mixed play do not seem to bother it. Hours later, they enter their separate spaceships, lift off, and go their separate ways in peace.

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