“Today, we’re going further than ever before,” Captain Nathaniel announces.

“You finished the limiter?” Haticat asks excitedly.

“Yes,” Nathaniel replies.

For many years, scientists have wondered whether space continues forever or whether it curls back on itself such that travelling in a straight line will eventually bring one back to where they started. Unfortunately, no one dares leave the galaxy, since no one can see farther than about four thousand light years, since it has only been about four thousand years since Y created the universe and light only goes so fast. However, Nathaniel has been working on a plan. He has perfected a means of precision to ensure his ship travels in perfectly straight lines to one part in twenty septillion septillion septillion septillion. He hopes it is enough.

He has also acquired a tachyon beacon. Such technology is not new, but it has never been used the way he is planning. By beaming tachyons in all directions from one point, the beams should converge at the exact opposite point in space – assuming there is one. By using very low-energy tachyons – much lower than anyone has ever used before – they will travel very many times the speed of light and reach the convergence point quickly. Finding this focus is how the crew will know they have gone halfway and allow them to measure the universe’s circumference.

Most importantly, he has also been working for years on making the engines faster. No one wants to go looking for the other side of all reality if it is going to take an entire lifetime. He doubts that there has ever been such a fast ship before.

“All systems are operating normally. Capacitors are fully charged,” Haticat reports.

“Everything is clear on the scanner. The tachyons are streaming as planned,” Doctor Bill reports.

“No enemy ships detected,” Fred reports.

“Good. Point us in any direction, full speed. Go!” Nathaniel orders.

Nathaniel walks past the engine room as the cross-ship speeds through interstellar space. “What is that smell?” He tracks the source of the scent to the fuel decoherence chamber. It smells a bit like strawberries and ozone, but also like nothing he has ever smelled before. He switches on the ship’s internal scanners to see what’s going on.

The fuel is producing virtual pions at an alarming rate. Matter and antimatter are building up in the chamber instead of combining, creating a potentially explosive situation. “Yikes!” He quickly shuts the engine down and dumps the fuel.

He calls his crew to the bridge to discuss the issue. “So, apparently the power of Atomica gives me the ability to smell radiation. Unfortunately, we now only have as much fuel as was left in the primary and secondary injectors – enough to get no more than three light years.”

“We’ll need a terrestrial planet to make more fuel. What’s the nearest one called?” Haticat says.

Doctor Bill opens the catalogue app. “Iddhya. We are 2.2 light years from Iddhya.”

“Oh, so it happens today,” Nathaniel says, staring into space.

Captain Nathaniel’s cross-ship speeds away from the uninhabited planet he just finished exploring. Haticat and Fred drive while he and Doctor Bill measure and label the wrinkled, silvery animals they collected from the limestone caves near the shore. Some resemble koalas. Others resemble starfish. Many resemble salamanders. “Captain, another ship is approaching us,” Fred announces. Nathaniel rushes to the bridge.

The other ship sends a message. “Bang, bang, bang, we got you.”

“What game is this?” Nathaniel replies.

“We’re The Bad Guys. We’re space pirates.”

“Okay,” Nathaniel says. “You broke my engines, but I’m shooting back. Pew, pew, pew, pew.”

“We have plasma-cooled shielding; you didn’t hurt us at all.”

“Well, then I made an ultrastrong magnetic field to halt your plasma flow and shot you again,” Nathaniel says.

“But you took too long and we’re already on board.”

“You can’t be that fast,” Nathaniel says. Just then, there is a knock at the door. Nathaniel, Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill walk to the airlock and open the door. In walks a robot, in slithers a snake, and in oozes a blob. They each carry a balloon sword. The robot has large eyes and multiple jointed arms in multiple sockets. The gigantic snake has a short horn on its snout curving up and a long horn on each side of its head curving down. It carries its sword in its tail. The blob vaguely resembles a black garbage bag with a balloon sword imbedded in it.

“We’re The Bad Guys. Give us all your money,” the robot says.

“We don’t have any money,” Nathaniel says.

“Oh, well we’ll just take some of your stuff then,” the robot says, holding the explorers against the wall with his balloon sword while the snake and blob move along. Nathaniel simply ducks under the sword and follows after them. “Hey, not so fast; I’m supposed to capture you,” the robot says.

The entire group of players walk around the ship. The “pirates” take some clothes, food, and lab equipment. The robot picks up one of the silver animals. “This looks valuable.”

“My name is Fred. What’s yours,” the snake asks.

“Hey! My name is Fred!” Fred says.

“Well, there are only so many possible names. We were bound to run out eventually,” Nathaniel says.

“My name is Arko,” the robot declares.

“My name is Marv,” the blob adds in a gurgling voice.

“I’m Nathaniel, and this is Haticat, Fred, and Doctor Bill,” Nathaniel says.

“Hey, I met another Bill once, but he wasn’t a doctor,” Arko comments.

They all continue to play together until snake Fred sees the time machine and tries to take out a time crystal. “No, don’t touch that!” Nathaniel yells. The snake plucks out a crystal with his mouth, upsetting the delicate balance of time flow and causing time to run faster in his head than his heart can keep up with. He faints. Nathaniel runs over and replaces the crystal. “This is a very dangerous and complicated machine.”

“Wow, how did you move that fast?” Arko asks.

“I have many powers,” Nathaniel says. “Don’t touch these.”

“Okay,” Arko agrees.

The “pirates” ignore all machinery from then on and return to their ship. Haticat asks them if they ever go exploring in natural areas. “No, we’ve never gone exploring before. We usually just play pirates or cops and robbers,” Arko answers.

“You can come with us and we’ll show you how to use that lab equipment and where to find those animals,” Haticat says.

“Maybe after lunch,” Arko says. “I need a recharge.”

“Okay,” Haticat says.

“Good idea. I’ll eat lunch, too. Then you can follow us in your ship,” Nathaniel says.

The visitors close the airlock door and detach their ship from Nathaniel’s. Nathaniel grabs two candy bars, a carton of milk, and a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich and eats them on the bridge. He sees the other ship on his viewscreen begin to move away faster and faster and faster. “Where are they going?” The other ship is soon speeding away faster than light. “Hey! They took my stuff!”

“And there it is! The biggest restaurant in the galaxy!” Nathaniel announces. On the viewscreen is a glowing arc. This is the luminescent ring of Ranor, partially obscured by the dark planet. As they get closer, city lights become visible.

Ranor is a rogue planet. It orbits no star and sits in the cold of interstellar space. It is the largest colony of the Vlymons, humanoid creatures with swirls of white, black, blue, and red-orange on their skin. They each have one red eye and one black eye. Ranor is ruled by an individual known only as “The Chef,” a culinary and business genius who has converted the entire colony into a restaurant.

The ship lands and Nathaniel is shown to a table by the Vlymon waitstaff. They wear box-shaped hats. He is accompanied by Haticat, Fred, Doctor Bill, and Blacky, his pet flying ray. “What would you like today?” the Vlymon asks.

“I don’t know. There are too many choices,” Nathaniel says, struggling to skim through the digital menu of millions of dishes.

“Then might I suggest The Chef’s ladder? A series of small plates chosen by The Chef himself based on your biosensory profile?” The waiter poses.

“Okay,” Nathaniel says.

“Perfect. I shall return with your first plate,” the waiter says.

While Nathaniel waits, a four-meter Sauropod at the next table catches his gaze. “Hi, thar. Get’n The Chef’s laytor?”

Nathaniel blinks. “What? Did you say something?”

“Shore. I akscha if yer wer get’n The Chef’s laytor,” the Sauropod says.

Nathaniel looks at Haticat and then back at the long-neck Dinosaur. “My ears must be malfunctioning. Did you ask if I was getting The Chef’s ladder?”

“Shore did,” the Sauropod says.

“The shore asked? Is there an ocean near here? Does it talk?” Nathaniel asks, more confused than ever.

“Naw. Shore. Shore. As in certeen,” the Sauropod says.

“Certain?” Nathaniel queries.

“Shore,” the Saurpod says.

Nathaniel looks at Haticat again. Haticat speaks. “Why are you talking like that? Is it the way your species mouths work?”

“Naw. It’s an akshint,” the Sauropod says.

“A what?” Nathaniel exclaims.

“An akshint. It’s a stole uff tak’n. It’s a furm uff art. All the people on planeet Barksheed tak this woy,” the Sauropod explains.

“Well they should stop,” Nathaniel says.